Let me define falling in love as well as I can, so we know what we are talking about. One person finds himself/herself excited and preoccupied with someone else and desirous of touching that person and being with that person as much as possible. That strong physical attraction usually includes sexual feelings. There is a frequent desire to share thoughts and experiences, even trivial experiences. It is a headlong, pleasurable feeling that, everyone seems to agree, colors judgment so that the loved person is not seen clearly. Vague fantasies of a dramatic nature enter into the lover’s thoughts. The rest of life fades a little behind this dramatic daydream. It is as if there is a magnetic attraction to the other person that transcends rational thought. It is so powerful that, like other powerful feelings, such as grief, it seems to the affected person that it will last forever. It is the sort of thing people write songs about.
People can fall in love over time, but most often it is sudden, developing quickly. It is called falling in love because it seems beyond control—a little like falling down. Or tripping over something. It often comes at the wrong time, people tell me, and sometimes plainly with the wrong sort of person. It is not a voluntary process.
One ordinarily thinks of romantic love as starting quickly, but developing further over time during a courtship that may last months. At the other extreme, there is the phenomenon of love at first sight. I have heard men and women speak of this so frequently that I know that it exists. But most of the time, even then, falling in love is not literally at first sight.
Let me report one example of this experience:
A man came to a party and immediately noticed a woman at the other end of the room. She was talking animatedly with a group of other young people. She was dressed nicely. And she laughed in a certain kind of way. When I spoke later on to that man, he did not spontaneously describe her further, but when I asked, it turned out he had noticed other things about her. She moved in a certain way, and listened to the others she was talking to in a certain way. He felt she was even standing in a certain, attractive way. He thought, watching her from across the room, that she looked like she had gone to an Ivy-league college—judging from her dress and make-up. Growing impatient with me, he summed it all up. “She looked wonderful, and I fell in love with her right away.” continue reading:
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